Police jokes (Jokes with cops)

A Soviet police officer catches a street hooligan and arrests him:

Soviet police officer: "Where's your working place?"

Street hooligan: "Here and there..."

Soviet police officer: "How do you earn a living, do you work at all?"

Street hooligan: "From time to time..."

Soviet police officer: "And what?"

Street hooligan: "This and that..."

Soviet police officer: "You're arrested, you're going to prison!"

Street hooligan: "Wait! When will you let me out of there?!"

Soviet police officer: "Sooner or later!" 

Soviet cops are being taught good manners and elegant behaviour, therefore they are sent to Western Europe to attend special courses and witness cultural events.

One of these events is at the Paris opera house in France. Cops who have never been to the opera are given the unique opportunity to discover how it is...

After the "mission" to improve the cultural level of soviet cops, they return to their headquarters and are asked by their highest officer how it was...

Soviet police officer: "So, how was your experience at the Paris opera?"

A soviet cop: "Well, we felt quite embarrassed" - says a cop with frustration

Soviet police officer: "Why?"

The soviet cop: "Well, us kops were the only ones who jumped up the stage to dance with our wives"

A soviet cop guarding the Kremlin is feeling bored, so he starts playing with his stick, throwing it up and down, rotating it until he smashes his right eye out...

He's brought to the hospital. Gets a glass eye, 2 weeks of vacation, receives a "Hero Of Communism" medal, gets a higher rank, receives 500 Rubles compensation...

After the 2 weeks, he's standing guard again. Playing with his stick again. Thinking, contemplating...

Cop: "Well, well... I smash my other eye out too, then I get another medal, I become kaptain, I get 2 weeks holiday... and with the 500 Rubles I'll buy a kolour TV!"

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